Tag: Satire

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Patients! They’re everywhere, AHHHHH!

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The first story that has to be told from my recent trip to Tulum, Mexico is about the nice lady (a.k.a. crazy wacko) I sat next to on the plane.

As therapists, you see people who could use your services everywhere: the kid walking down the street using his crutch on the wrong side, the old man whose family is struggling to get him into the car, or just Aunt Ida chatting away at Thanksgiving dinner about her bunions. Aunt Ida aside, I try not to let my desire to get involved in these people’s lives take over. Aside from all the practical reasons not to get involved, there’s an ethical line that gets crossed when an off-duty healthworker starts injecting his/her opinions into a person’s private life.

Be careful, patients are everywhere and they want your PT brain.

While I frequently have to restrain getting involved, this past week’s experience was different… I wanted to run away. As I settled in for the 4-hour flight into Cancun, the lady next to me started telling me how she would be getting up frequently because of her debilitating back pain. I immediately recoiled into defense mode. How could I keep her from finding out I’m a PT? How would I read JOSPT without giving away my secret identity? I am not treating this  lady for the next 4 hours, this is my VACATION!!! ….and this patient was clearly CRAZY! Keep it to yourself, lady!

What went on for the next 4 hours was a delicate dance: She would ask me to get her carry-on down from the over-head. I would stash my PT magazines behind safety manuals in the seatback pocket. She would pace in the isles. Other passengers would uneasily wonder why. She would intermittently display her gabapentin bottle on the tray table. I would try to disguise JOSPT while reading by sliding as far to the opposite side of the seat as possible. She would talk on-and-on about her back pain, and I would nod politely.

When it came close to time to land, I thought I had made it through without revealing my secret, but there was one more test. My single serving friend had one more piece of information to make my blood boil. She was looking forward to her quick trip through customs and baggage claim. “You know, if you ask for a wheelchair, the airlines have to give you one.”

So, back in the terminal, as I stood in the hour-long customs line, I looked to the side and saw her cruising by in the wheel chair. She had won again, the crazy bird gets the worm.

Be careful on your travels this Thanksgiving weekend, patients are everywhere. Don’t trust Aunt Ida, I think she’s hiding something.

Forest Gump and a New Clinical Prediction Tool

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Firts, let me first start with 2 (two) apologies:

1. I apologize for writing so sporadically. I’m getting married next month and promise to be more consistent in August.

We passed this couple while hiking on the N Shore of Kaua’i. She was wearing the same shirt as me from Jack Quinn’s Running Club who we used to run with in Colorado Springs.

2. Sorry the comments don’t work on the blog. In addition, if you click around, you’ll find the entire blog portion of this site acts funky. If you wondering why I haven’t fixed this already, please see apology number 1 (one).

On we go:

I do like running in different places. I especially like finding a body of water on vacation (lake, ocean, river, irrigation ditch) and running along side it. While running on assignment, I learn my way around the neighborhoods I live in and see interesting things along the way. On a recent wrong turn that took me 6 miles out of my way, I realized how quickly I could get into vast farmlands and have beautiful valley views (it didn’t seem so close on the way home). I also got an up close look at a roadkilled-porcupine. The porcupine was pretty interesting, but more than I had bargained for.

The last time I went running a small happening that I think most runners can identify with inspired the creation of a new predictive rule for the field of psychology. So, the moment you have all anticipate, my first independently developed objective measurement tool:

The Spencer Societal Startle Test (SSST)

The subject should be sent out for a casual walk on a public street. The investigator should dress as a recreational jogger and begin running from a distance behind the subject. As the investigator approaches the subject from the rear, a cough and foot shuffle should be performed at a distance of 20 ft to alert the subject of an approaching person. The investigator should continue to run alongside and past the subject.

Scoring: Score 1 (one) if the subject yells out audibly in surprise. Score 0 (null) if there is no audible reaction. A score of 1 indicates the subject will likely benefit from professional psycological intervention.

Clinicians interested in studying the SSST should note that it should be expected that the test will have strong specificity, but fairly poor sensitivity. Meaning, a high percentage of subjects who test positive under the SSST will benefit from psychological counseling, however, a negative score may not truley indicate that a subject would not benefit from psychological counseling.

Enjoy the open road…. some day I’ll write about this whole barefoot/forefoot running thing, it’s really been driving me nuts.

James

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James R Spencer, PT, DPT, OCS, CSCS

Current location: Skowhegan, ME